The House
I was taking a walk around in my neighbourhood, when I saw, a big, old looking house I had never seen before.
"Where did that come from?"I thought.
I went to investigate. When I took a step inside, the floor creaked. It was pitch black in the house, suddenly, I saw a tiny bit of fire coming from the stove. All of a sudden, as the flame flickered and then went out, the fire came again, but this time it was big and the house was burned down, and I was gone too.
"Aaaah!" I screamed.
"Oh, it was just a nightmare, thank goodness," I said, happily.
"Oh, it was just a nightmare, thank goodness," I said, happily.
Your story seems a bit fast. Maybe you could put a bit more emotion in your story to make it more interesting.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Coco puff your story went really fast and a bit confusing. You could use more descriptive language. A tip, I think you should make a more original title or just change it because it kind off gives away the twist in your story. In your last sentence you should after you scream it should be a new line, after you say thank goodness you should have a period instead of a comma. and, wasn't it a nightmare? because you said dream. Otherwise goood story:)
ReplyDeleteAt the end was kinda confusing because the house burnt bown then you screamed?
ReplyDelete