100WC WEEK#18
Somebody is Here
As I put my favourite orange pyjamas on, and got ready for bed, the noise of thunder startled me. I peek outside the window to look at the sky, but then, I saw somebody swimming in my pool.
"Who is that?," I thought.
Carefully, I went downstairs to check who that was. There was silence. In the dark, I saw a tall figure standing in front of me. As, the figure came closer, and closer, it quickly disappeared!
"And, that's all I remember," I tell the psychiatrist.
Though, I still wonder who that person was, who swam in my pool.
Remember not to confuse tenses. (Past tense, present tense) For example, said is past tense, but hear is present tense. Did the person do anything to you? It seems a bit odd that you would be okay with a stranger swimming in your pool. You might want to add more emotions and cliffhangers in your story.
ReplyDeletewhy were you talking to yourself maybe you should think to yourself although the rest is a good story
ReplyDeleteI like your story! Like Cocopuff said you mixed tenses. Other than that great story.
ReplyDeleteI like the ending of your story, was the person a ghost or who? You can describe the person, like clothing or Color of something? Also you can put a side note describing what is a phystrian because it is confusing, so at the end, it won't be a part of you story. I also agree with coco puff. Great storyline!
ReplyDelete