100WC WEEK#16 BY:RainbowSunshine
Waiting (Part 2 of the unexpected incident)
Sunday
I'm so excited! My mom is coming back from Pakistan in two days!
"I can't wait to see her!" I cheered.
I hadn't seen my mom for one week. Suddenly, I got a call on Skype.
"It's mom!"
I clicked answer.
"Hi mom!"I said, joyfully.
"Hi."said mom.
"I can't wait till you come back!"
"I know, I can't wait to come back either."
"You're coming this Tuesday, right?"
"What? No I'm not!"
"But you said you were."
"No, I said I'm coming NEXT Tuesday."
"NOOOO!" I cried.
Now, I have to wait for my mom one more week.
When you are saying '"Your coming this Tuesday, right?"' it should be a you're. There should also be a question mark after what. Your story is a bit confusing, so maybe you want to include why your mom is in Pakistan.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story. When you said "I clicked answer" you should say "I clicked to answer." Something to focus on is more descriptive language. Also when your mom says "What! No I'm not!" It should be a question mark. " What? No I'm not!" You should also mention why your mom goes to Pakistan. Good story:)
ReplyDeleteI love the little twist at the end and I i agree with Pinky
ReplyDeleteI agree with all the other comments. Also you seem to have some extra spaces inbetween the lines. But other than that it is really good story! Great job Rainbowsunshine!
ReplyDelete