100WC WEEK#5 By:RainbowSunshine
The Fire
"Help!" yelled a woman.
Firefighters flew to the house that was sizzled with fire. The woman ran to the balcony, "Help!" she hollered.
A firefighter flew to the balcony, while others tried to stop the fire. The firefighter took the woman's hand, and landed safely on the ground. "Oh, no!" uttered the woman.
"My son is inside the house!" she cried.
When the fire stopped, the woman ran inside the house searching for her son. "No!" she screeched.
The boy's body was scorched in the house. "Aaaaaah!"
The woman awoke from her nightmare. "Thank god, it was a dream." she said.
Or was it?
I love your story. You used the word fire fighter a lot. I like the words you used .
ReplyDeleteYour story is great and very suspenseful! Some feedback that I could give you, is that in most of your sentences, they begin with The. You could add more discriptive words to your story. Other than that your story is really good!
ReplyDeleteBe sure to read the feedback given to you by your peers. I certainly hope it was a dream for the mother's sake. Good job brining emotion and feeling into your story. I really like how you used other words instead of she said to tell the tone of voice the person is speaking in. Adding more descriptive words would make your story more interesting.
ReplyDeleteI like how the ending was. Make sure you indent or do another like when you have someone new speaking.
ReplyDelete